Never going to take dares AGAIN!
by Auset C
Summary: Rating for cross dresser and language. Full summarry inside cause I was to lazy to right it here. Enjoy it if you like it.


Never going to take dares AGAIN!  
  
This is my first fic so please be merciful? Quick summay: Ashelin dares Torn to wear a dress (make-up, high heels ect.) into a bar for three hours. Somehow Ashelin gets him to do it. (Not telling how. Read the story.) She is supposed to keep it a secret, but she tells Tess and Kiera. Here is the twist... Jak is there and thinks Torn really is a girl and starts to flirt with him! O.o Plus Erol decides to be a total idiot and annoy Torn, jak and everyone except a certain someone. The rest you have to read! Enjoy! DISCLAIMER: I don own anything, so leave me alone!  
  
"No way! I won't be caught dead in a dress, in a bar for three hours!" the second in command of the underground practically shrieked. "I don't see why you're over reacting! No one you know goes to this bar!" Ashelin said a smirk plastered on her face. Torn glared daggers at her. "Maybe they might, but me in a dress does not paint the best picture in my mine!" He started to pace behind the desk. "And another thing, I do not wear dresses!" Ashelin's smirk grew. "I think I remember a certain elf in a blue dress with Erol." Torn's face when twenty different shades of red. "Once! And that was because that insane psycho freak couldn't get a prom date! Plus he was paying me to do it!" "And what a pretty elf girl you made!" Ashelin put in.  
  
Torn, if it's even possible, went twenty more shades of red. "I was only sixteen. I don't think I could even resemble a girl anymore, and why do you want to see me in a dress?" Ashelin hid a camera behind her back giving Torn the 'Whatever do you mean?' look. "Because I thought you looked so dashing in that dress and this time you won't have to commandeer my stuff." Torn eyed her suspiciously. "No." At that single word, Torn stalked toward the door. "Well then I'll have to post these pictures all over the internet." Ahselin said with fake sympathy while sighing pathetically. Torn whirled around faster then Krew being offered hostess hobos. Torn stared at the pictures and if his eyes popped out anymore they just might have rolled out of his skull. "You can't be serious! If anyone saw this, then they think I was some Onin lover!" Ashelin smirked evilly. "Better to be an Onin lover then a cross dresser?" Torn grounded his teeth and look like some sort of crazy guy who had escaped from the crazy house and had intelligent conversations with himself. "I will kill you! I'll burn your house and you can watch your family burn and explode!MUAHHAHAHA!"  
  
Torn was now having a mental disability and acting like Erol and now will slip on randomly placed banana peal. "What the..." CLUNK! CRACK! Torn fell whacking his head of the table (the clunk) and hit it against the hard stone floor. (The crack) Ashelin looked down at him. "Err. Torn? You okay?" Torn miraculously was still conscience but was right now in a complete daze and was seeing all the pretty stars. "Dude! This is so sweet! Front rows at the Oscars!" Like I said, all the pretty stars. Now you know Torn must have a thick skull to avoid a head injury! "So what will it be? Onin lover or the dress?" Torn had now regained his senses and now was now glaring the look at death at Ahselin. A krimzon Guard was walking by, saw the look and fell over dead. Ahselin looked at guard and shrugged. "Torn, you have to stop using that death glare. That is the third time today! So what's your answer?" Torn sighed looking the picture of defeat...not. His face had turned so many shades of red they had to invent a new color of red. "I'll do it because I don't want to be known as an Onin lover." Ashelin smiled such a wicked smile Torn felt like running screaming out the back door and ranting to Jak about how his dark side had corrupted everyone. Ahselin then took out a slinky black dress, matching make-up, a hairbrush (at this moment Torn just remembered it took him half the morning to get his hair in his usually style.) stockings, high heels and I mean high heels and horrors beyond horrors a purse that says I love boyz on it. At this, Torn was making silent pleas to any gods or goddess listening, but they where enjoying popcorn so couldn't help. Torn then reconsidered running out the back door and running into traffic. "It's time to get "dressed up" Torn!" Torn glared but it wasn't the glare of death so all the Krimzon guards celebrated.  
  
Three and a half hours later, Torn is in a dress with make-up ect,ect. Ashelin is trying not to laugh and you can tell because she looks like she is running out of air. "Just get it over with." Said a thoroughly miserable Torn. "Ha! Torn you so look like a girl! I mean you act all tuff and buff but really you're just a girly guy! HAHAHAHA! You could be a women impersonator!" Torn face looks like he is about to do the death glare. All of the Krimzon Guards scream, tornadoes are wiping out the temple, flash floods, thunderstorms and the minions of the dark side run around screaming. Then Torn gets confused about why this always happens when he does the death glare so it didn't happen. "That's enough Ahselin. I don't like you right now and I don't want it to get any worst!" Torn then promptly stalks of, outside, without noticing until some Krimzon Guards start whistling and asking for dates. Torn then death glares and they all run away screaming. Ashelin walks up behind him shaking her head. "I don't see why everyone fears the mighty death glare, but the bar is just around the corner." She said grabbing Torn by the arm. "And, you have to do something about that voice. It isn't very errr... feminine." Torn rolled his eyes and then proceeded to take out about twenty bottles of some strange liquids downing them in a world record breaking two seconds!  
  
While there walking down the street, there being watch by the psycho freak! "Erol you stupid narrator!" You didn't hear that. Erol is crazy. "Of course they did! I know that you're running this story but no one believes me! They think I'm insane and it's all your fault!" Like I said, Erol likes talking to the air. He is crazy. Anyways, he was watching Torn and Ashelin walk down the street. "Soon I will plane my revenge! But considering I'm evil it probably won't work... and that a horrible authoress." Erol shudders before getting on Zoomer. "Now nothing shall stop me!" At this moment, the ice cream man goes by. "Ice cream! I love ice cream! Come here you!" Erol then starts chasing a very frightened ice cream man. This happens for two hours. Torn has been watching him go round and round while he reads about how to do girly accents. Four hours later Erol is eating a hundred fudge pops with flaming ice cream truck in the background. (NO!)  
  
"Now that is taken care of, time to chase down those two girls that I have to chase against my will." Erol takes out super binoculars and watches them walk right in front of him. "Erol, you don't have to use binoculars that close up." Ashelin said knowing full well that Erol is crazy. "Maybe I do! I mean it's not everyday to hot girls pass by and I have x-ray binoculars!" Erol's face turned pale and he starts smiling. "Er... nice day to kick my ass, Isn't it?" He is backing away slowly form Ashelin. "Why you sick little demented freak of nature! I'm going to make you wish for death!" Ashelin now resembles a very ticked off Amazon warrior. Erol is thinking for once. Miracles DO happen! "She is going to kill me! There is only one thing to do!" Erol then takes his gun and blasts himself in the stomach. Then rolls around the floor in helpless agony before banging head against his zoomer. Afterwards he apologies to it for abusive behavior. Then he gets up and runs away screaming bloody murder. Then once he is four miles away, gives Ashelin the finger and is then hit by twenty hell cats. Ashelin just shakes her head and mutters something about "her father's choices in commanders" and continues toward the bar. Erol at this point is laying in a bloody mess in the middle of the road. Somehow he gets himself back together and takes out binoculars. "Darn! These stupid binoculars broke! Now how will I stalk them?" Sits there in the middle of the road with vacant look. This will take some time so where going to check in with Torn and Ashelin.  
  
"I can't do this! You saw how everyone mistaken me for a women!" Torn whimpered. His voice had miraculously changed to something higher pitched and more girly. "You saw what Erol was doing and he's crazy!" Ashelin shakes head and pushes Torn into a bar full of people. Duh. "I'm going to talk to Kiera and Tess okay? Bye!" Ashelin runs off giggling to where the girls had set up an fortress of some kind. Torn glares, but it isn't a death glares so everyone is safe, and heads over to the bar. Ashelin, Kiera and Tess are having a conversation. Double duh. "I can't believe you got him to do it! This is so cool!" Squealed Kiera. Tess grinned. "This will be so fun to use as blackmail. We could get Torn to do the laundry, cook dinner and eat dirt!" The other girls give Tess a funny look. "What? I always wanted him to eat my cooking!" Everyone gives more funny looks and she sinks down. "Well whatever, this will still be great to get pictures!"Ashelin then starts taking pictures of Torn who is now glaring the death glare and all the Krimzon guards are running around in mass panic. Erol uses this as a distraction to sneak in but sees Jak and runs away screaming. Jak walks to the bar and sits next to Torn but hasn't noticed him...yet. "Wow. Never seen the guards like this! The only time is when Torn does his death glare. Wonder why?" "I've been trying to figure that out. Now if you don't mind I'm going to glare at Ashelin some more." Torn said to Jak not noticing how Jak's eyes grew bigger and drool was starting to form. "Dude!" Jak thought "That chick is hot! I mean she is lacking in some areas but dude! I need to ask her out!"  
  
Jak puts his arm around Torn and this action makes Torn go into a state of shock and isn't comprehending anything. "I'm Jak. What's your name cause I think your hot." Jak is a very straightforward person. Torn is now trying to regain his voice and Erol, who somehow came back, is laughing his head off behind a copy of last month's newspaper. "Err... I can't go out with you!?!?! I mean er... I don't like men or girls and I only care about me! So go away!" Torn said breaking out in a sweat. Good think he has the water- proof make-up! Jak was taken aback. He never knew a girl that didn't like him! This was a challenge. No, Jak needed professional help. He wandered over to where the girls were to ask them about the mysterious stranger. "Um, Kiera? Do you know how to get the girl to go out with me?" Jak asked blushing. Kiera looked at him and her eyes went wide at which girl he was talking about. "Er... I'll have to have council first." Kiera, Tess and Ashelin put there heads and have a whispered conversation. "This is even better! We should tell him to give Torn stuff. Can you imagine his face when we tell him?" Ashelin said grinning evilly. Behind them, Dark Jak, who was still at the bar because somehow he and Jak got separated, was thinking along the lines of "My evilness is starting to rub of on people!" "I agree. This will be the best opportunity to get revenge." Said Tess nodding her head. "Okay I'll tell him." Said Kiera. "Jak," She started. "we have decided to give you advice to help you get a date. Our first word of advice is to talk to people who dated her before." Jak face was the picture of confusion. "What?" Ashelin sighed. "Erol was her prom date a long time ago. Duh." She pushes Jak in the direction of the crazy psycho who is losing chutes and ladders to a cockroach. "Darn! I have to go back to the beginning again! What is this world coming to? I can't win anything after that stupid crash!" The cockroach just waves its antenna and Dark Jak is watching the cockroach wondering along the lines off, "I wonder if that cockroach would taste good in tartar sauce?"  
  
Jak walked up behind Erol who was wondering where his new "best friend" had gotten to. When Jak tapped him on the shoulder, the best description for Erol's face when he turned around was a mouse in a mouse trap and about to be eaten by a lion. "Don't hurt me! I didn't do it whatever it is! If you need a bootlicker I can do that well! I'll do anything to save my neck!" While saying this Erol is groveling and holding Jak's leg. Dark Jak is watching and think along the lines of , "Dude. Me and that guy have so much in common. Wonder why we aren't friends." Jak pried Erol of his leg, using protection of course. 'Nothing like that stupid! I need you to tell me what that angel likes." Said Jak going all starry eyed and taking a trip to Lala land. This is his dream in Lala Land. Jak sees her at the other end of a field of flowers and starts running toward her. Romantic music plays and they hug and do all that crap and then she disappears for Jak had returned to planet er... whatever planet Haven City is on. Erol and Dark Jak are giving him funny looks. "What? Can't a guy dream?" "Whatever. Well if you want to know something, that's really Torn in dress." Erol said off handily. Jak glared at Erol and Erol let out a squeak and hid behind Dark Jak. "Since when have you two been friends? I though he was the eco freak." Dark Jak glares at Jak and hugs Erol who is now gasping for air as it is forced out of his lungs. "He understands me! Everyone thinks were evil but that isn't true! We are just to misunderstood freaks of nature!" Dark Jak is getting very emotional and if there is one thing worst then a killer misunderstood psycho eco monster, it's an emotional one. Erol is making frantic movement and is turning blue. Dark Jak does not notice for he is still ranting. Now we see Erol go limp and twitch in death. "And another thing, your stupid Jak. Isn't that right Erol? Erol? EROL! NOOO! I KILLED MY BEST FRIEND!"  
  
As Dark Jak sobs for the lost of his best friend, Jak rolls his eyes and walks off back to his love that is really Torn. Erol is twitching and starting to breathe! It is very hard to kill and idiot for they have unlimited lives. Jak snakes his arms around Torn. Torn is going white and looks like he is going to faint. "Excuse me..." Torn said making a break for the bathroom. Instead of going into the Women's room, he accidentally goes into the Men's room. "I'm even more in love with her then before! She is so brave to go into the Men's room! I'll just wait out here." Jak sits down and twiddles his thumbs and hums a marriage tune we all know and love. We return to Dark Jak and Erol who are talking about idiot rights. "That is so unfair that people always make fun of us. We never did anything but make people's lives bad." Complained Dark Jak. "I know! That is so racist. Idiots are people too! Dark Jak I've gotta use the bathroom. Be back soon." Erol makes a bee line for the restroom. The term we use for this is nature is calling Erol. This has happened two minutes before Torn ran in so Erol is already there. This is the scene in the bathroom. Erol is washing his hands and Torn bursts in. The sink is located behind the door. So the door slams Erol head first into the sink. Torn is sitting in front of the sink swearing colorfully. "Dude! I was so like washing my hands when you opened that door and tried to drowned me and o it's a cross dresser. Sorry my mistake." Said Erol. Torn gives a confused look. "What does being a cross dresser have to do with anything?" Erol grins. "Come here and I'll tell you." He whispers. Torn actually curious about what the crackpot has to say edges closer.  
  
"well you see, I know your Torn and I told Jak but he didn't listen so he thinks you're a girl. And since I know the poor guy is waiting for the goddess of love, I'll have to get you out of the bathroom." Erol explained. Torn snorted and crossed his arms. "I'd like to see you try." "As you wish doll face!" After saying this, Erol smacks Torn on butt before making a break for it with a very pissed off Torn behind him. Erol trips on a loose floorboard does a cartwheel, headstand and back flip earning a ten out of ten in the process for gymnastics before going threw a metal wall. On the other side, he lands on his zoomer, smashing his head on the start button and launching himself down the road. (The guy is lazy. He put in a start button cause he's lazy and forgetful. Silly Erol.) At the end of this road, he crashes into a wall stopping him. He s wondering where those airbags went to when the exploded out of the ship. Since that one crash in the game, Erol had installed airbags on every part of his zoomer. This many airbags made in possible to launch it two hundred feet up. The zoomer lands safely (Thank goodness!) but are poor idiot Erol, because he wasn't wearing his seat belt or safety equipment hits rock solid ground but it couldn't stop him so he was the first guy to see the center of planet Haven! After going threw the center of Planet Haven, Erol comes out the other side of the planet, makes a hole in the moon and blast pass the sun. But because Erol's head is so big, the sun started to revolve around him and we all became moons. Thus Erol was the became the center of are universe. That only lasted thirty minutes for that is the extent of Erol's lung capacity. He then plummeted back to planet Haven dieing about sixty times and was stopped from repeating by a well placed pillow by Dark Jak. It's amazing what pillows can do.  
  
Meanwhile, is sitting at the bar all shifty eye. "He is going to sneak up on me! No I'm to quick for him! Wheeee!" If you haven't noticed, Torn in drunk. Jak can be seen taking to Kiera about getting Torn to like him. We see a hurried trade of objects and Erol and Dark Jak walk in both eating fudge pops. We hear and explosion in the background indicating another ice cream man had fallen to the idiots. Jak is now shyly edging closer to Torn who is on his twentieth beer that night. 'Er... excuse me miss. I got you these and I hope you like them cause I like you a lot." Jak said going red. Torn turns around completely somber and eyes go wide. "Flowers and chocolates! Fore ME!!?!?!?" Torn yells falling of his seat landing on the floor. Erol and Dark Jak burst out laughing. Vin randomly runs in, gets a drink and runs out screaming. Torn is now glaring and rubbing his back. "Don't ever do that again Jak! Never again!" Torn then turns to stalk off and trips over the bar and into Erol's lap. Erol screeches like a rabid monkey and jumps up and clings to the rafters dropping Torn of the floor again. "Will you stop that! You are so annoying and why are you hanging from the rafter by your knees?" Torn screamed at Erol. Erol who is hanging upside down isn't paying attention to Torn but is using his binoculars to look for the ice cream man. "Be quite Torn. I sense that my quarry nears." Torn takes out a umbrella to keep himself try as Erol drools a waterfall thinking about ice cream. "Only in Haven City..." muttered Torn. Jak is now heart broken and has given up. Yeah right! HE is now going to ask professional help! Jak takes out him cell phone and dials a number. Who could it be? "Hello?" the voice on the cell phone said. "Hey Daxter. I need professional help ASAP! This girl wouldn't go out with me!" Jak said with all the fake sympathy for himself he could do. Daxter suddenly breaks threw the wall on a hell cat and triumphant music plays. Torn sees the fur ball and hides behind Dark Jak, who is hiding behind Erol, who is hanging from the ceiling and holding up a picture of Krew in front of himself. We return to Jak and Daxter as Jak gives a full account of his side of the story. "So this girl refuses to go out with you? That is very odd. I'll help you buddy, but where is she?" Daxter asked.  
  
Since no one every looks at Krew pictures, the city was sent on high alert looking for Torn. Jak is shown pacing just in front of the upside down Krew portrait. "Daxter, I'm worried. What if they don't find her?" He said worriedly. "I told you it was Torn in a dress! Why don't you believe me!" The upside down Krew pictured wailed. Everyone screams and runs away except Jak and Daxter. "You don't sound like Krew." Daxter said loudly. "You idiot! I told you to make and accent." A slightly feminine voice said. "Well excuse me for holding the picture!" Said the Krew portrait. "You both shut up or I kill you." Said a evil Jak voice. "Okay best friend. I'll try better. Ey. Hehehehehe!" The Krew portrait giggles. "I going to kill you Erol..." Said a voice that now resembled the real voice of Torn. "Best Friend I have an itch." Whined Dark Jak. Erol drops the picture on top of Daxter but it bounces off Daxter because Daxter was wearing proper protection.  
  
It reveals Erol upside down eating ice pops, Dark Jak trying to scratch his back and Torn wearing his regular outfit but still in high heels and make-up. Daxter is confused. "Torn why are you wearing high heels and make-up?" Torn is desperately trying to wipe of his make-up. "Go away! I hate you all! I'm going to kill you all!" He said ranting. Erol is crossing his arms and smiling smugly. "I told you so. It was Torn wearing a dress. I know because..." He started before a high heeled shoe whacks him in the back of the head and launches him into a wall. "Is it true Torn?" Asked Jak. Torn nodded climbing down and checking the clock. "I had to wear a dress into a bar for three hours and I did for four hours. Now I'm going to go home." Daxter sits at the bar table and watches this all go on. Dark Jak shrugs and goes home. Daxter shrugs after having a drink and gets into a car full of fan girls of his. Torn turns to leave but Jak stops him. "Um torn? Can I ask you something?" He mumbled. "What?" asked Torn. "Can you wear a dress more often?" This one sentence gave Torn a heart attack sending him into a comma. He was rushed to the hospital. Jak went home and apologized to Kiera and they had a date. Krew started to sell his junk at garage sale and everything was good. Except think we forgot someone...  
  
"Hello? Anyone there? My head s stuck in the wall and this metal head is staring at me. Hello?" Whined Erol. The metal head runs away and Brutter (GASP!) approaches. "Hi. Me stupid Lurker! Me say hi." He says. "I'm an idiot who likes ice cream and ice pops." Erol puts in. They both stare at each other for twenty four minutes. Then break into song and dance to the rhythm of "I'm a Barbie girl". Thus ends this story. Hoped you enjoyed this.  
  
PLEASE R/R! ME BEGGING YOU! Flames will be used to roast marsh mellows. 


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